Back in my college days, when I had joined the campus gaming club, I came to love the game Diplomacy. The chief problem with setting up a session was that you need at least five players (seven is normal, but there are rule variants that allow for less). And getting that many people together at once for what could take a full day of gaming…..

During the COVID shutdown, I found to my delight that there are a couple of websites where you can play the game online. Diplomacy seems perfect for it – time periods where the players discuss alliances and plan moves over a simple chat app, then once all moves have been submitted, a fairly simple program calculates and delivers the results. I signed up on one, and have always had a couple of games active.

To cut a long digression short, I began to wonder what beverages (alcoholic if possible) would it be appropriate to sip while representing each nation in Diplomacy…

AUSTRIA-HUNGARY

At first, I thought the Dual Monarchy would be the hardest, because I couldn’t think of anything off the top of my head. But a quick online search, and it turned out to be as easy as any other. There’s a sort of fruit brandy in Hungary called “pálinka”. The European Union has decided that only the versions made in Hungary or a small part of Austria can use the name. Made from fruits like plums, pears, apricots, or cherries (“If it will make jam, it will make pálinka” is a saying), it can be sipped (room temperature, please, to bring out the fruit flavors) anytime you darn well want.

ENGLAND

If you want alcohol, it’s got to be gin. I know there’s a heck of a lot of great stuff being done with gin these days (I currently am working on a bottle of Canadian gin that is a bright yellow in color), but stick with a classic London Dry. If you need to feel snobbish, try an Old Tom gin. The usual Gin and Tonic (with lime, to prevent scurvy) will do, if you don’t want to sip it neat.

Don’t want alcohol? Then a nice cuppa tea is the way to go. George Orwell gives what is the generally accepted method – though he leaves out an important step. Around his seventh step, just after you’ve poured the water onto the tea in the teapot, you should cover the pot with something to keep it warm and wait four or five minutes to let the tea steep.

I know all these weird green and chai and even white teas are fashionable these days, but by all that’s holy, stick with proper black tea (so I don’t have to hunt you down and convoy an army into Yorkshire to teach you the error of your ways).

FRANCE

Do I even have to tell you? You’re French. You drink wine with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and late-night snacks. You even know which wine pairs best with whatever you find in the fridge when you go looking for a late-night snack. Other places, like California, Italy, Australia, and Chile, may think they know how to make wine, but at best they just bottle old grape juice. Know the secret code on the label designations and choose one for your personal favorite.

GERMANY

Not only is Munich the most important supply center on the board, it’s also the home of Oktoberfest – and arguably the only bar (one can even call it a brewpub, since they make it on site!) in the world with its own classic drinking song! So pour yourself a liter of the classic Hofbrau lager, and sing along!

ITALY

France has cornered the market on wine, so that’s that. Austria-Hungary has the “after dinner digestive brandies” locked up, so we can’t use grappa, the Italian entry into that category. How about something that every bar – even your home bar – should have: Campari. Invented in Italy, it’s classed as “bitters”, but isn’t as strong as what you usually think of (i.e. Angostura). It’s the key ingredient in some of the simplest – and most popular – cocktails. Equal parts Campari, sweet vermouth, and soda water is the Americano. Swap out the soda water with gin, and you have a Negroni. Use whiskey instead of gin, and it’s a Boulevardier. Have fun!

RUSSIA

Vodka. Duh. By the bones of Alexander Nevsky, use simple, plain vodka. None of the flavored crap. Drink it neat, in small glasses, and as cold as a Siberian winter. Drink a toast when Turkey doesn’t move into Armenia. Drink a toast when Germany lets you have Sweden. Drink a toast when you persuade England to move to the Channel instead of the Norwegian Sea…..

TURKEY

It was through Constantinople that coffee was introduced to Europe, so let’s honor the Ottomans by making a proper cup of Turkish Coffee. It’s not hard if you have the right coffee and equipment. Think of it as Turkish espresso… It’s actually kind of cool to make it yourself, following the ritual of boiling and cooling and boiling again. I like mine with a hint of cardamom….