It may just be me on the verge of becoming an Old Fogey, but it seems to me that the great tradition of sanctioned extortion known as “Trick or Treating” has fallen victim to societal changes and probably unjustified paranoia. That annual ritual has been replaced by Halloween parties.

Way back in the mists of time – about ten to fifteen years ago – the radio station WFMU hosted a Saturday morning kids show called “Greasy Kid Stuff”. It wasn’t your standard Disney-type music; instead the hosts played music for your inner child. They Might Be Giants, Kenny Young and the Eggplants, Jonathan Richman, Shonen Knife, et al. Anyway, every year the last show in October was devoted to Halloween music. One year, they gave some simple recipes for a kid’s Halloween party.

These are the recipes as I remember them. I’m not much of a cook, so I can’t help you with exact quantities and the like. They’re pretty intuitive anyway. Feel free to fool around with them ahead of time to find something that works.

Snacks/Appetizers: Snot on a Stick

Experiment with food coloring to make a standard cheese dip look a gross greenish color. That’s the “snot”. The sticks are simply pretzel sticks.

Salad: Hairball Salad with Saliva Dressing

Mix shredded lettuce, cabbage, and carrots with bean sprouts. That’s the salad. For the dressing, a simple vinaigrette or Italian should suffice.

Main Course: Blood and Guts

This is basically baked ziti. Use you favorite recipe, BUT: Use a chunky sauce, with lots of meat. And instead of just ziti, use a variety of tubular pasta. Penne rigate, elbows, cavatappi…. It doesn’t have to look good; it just has to be edible.

Dessert: Worms in Dirt

Crumble up chocolate cookies or brownies, and mix with chocolate pudding to get a muddy, wet dirt consistency. Stick a gummy worm into each serving.

Beverage: Raw Sewage

This is best served from a large punch bowl. Mix BOTH lime and orange sherbert into ginger ale or lemon-lime soda. Let the sherbert melt first, so it all turns into a fizzy, grayish muddle.

If you do try these, let me know how things turn out!